Loopy Lupin
by gryffindork01
Summary: It's the first class of Lupin's and things are going a bit weird.
1. loopy lupin

Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter, but I am thinking up a scheme to try too ( lol just joking.)  
  
Authors Note: These are just a few role plays my friend and I were thinking up late at night, that we decided to share with the world. P.S. Do not flame me or I will return favour(.  
  
No 1. Loopy Lupin  
  
All of the Gryffindor third years, (some quivering with excitement, but others as in Ron's case hormones. Plus Malfoy he never missed an opportunity to insult Lupin even though he was due in Transfiguration.) Were eagerly anticipating the arrival of Professor Lupin (or according to Ron that sizzling Professor with that nice ass.)  
  
Suddenly Lupin burst forth the doors with a turned on look on his face, and moved aside to let a great shaggy dog though the doorway, Lupin grinned and winked at the dog as it made it's way down the corridor, Harry noticed the dog had a slight limp in his back leg.  
  
Malfoy pushed his way through the small crowd of cursing Gryffindors.  
  
'That Malfoy is such a bitch' exclaimed Ron with a swipe of his hand and a sexy meow. Harry just stared at him, he stole a side wards glance at Hermione she looked rather aroused.  
  
'You look, dress, and fuck like my old house elf.' Said Malfoy with a malevolent grin on his face. There was a moment of awkward silence then Seamus said quite loudly,  
  
'You fucked Professor Lupin?'  
  
Then Dean Thomas yelled with a look of disgust, 'YOU FUCKED YOUR HOUSE ELF!!!!!!!!'  
  
Malfoy had a pink tinge to his normally pale face, 'Er. um no.'  
  
The whole class turned back to face Lupin, to see his reaction, Lupin cleared his throat then said calmly, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.'  
  
The whole class burst into a fit of giggles as Malfoy started to run down the corridor screaming like a little girl, probably wetting his pants. (A/N this pained us VERY deeply to write.)  
  
Lupin then ordered the class through the door seeing each student as they passes, stopping only to spank Ron quite hardly on his pert behind, with a yelp of delight from Ron.  
  
As they all settled into their desks, Lupin came to the front of the classroom, and said quite forcefully, 'today we will be studying a boggart in a cloggart, you may not know what a cloggart is, it is a closet containing a boggart.'  
  
'I am trying to get a scholarship to the Dr. Seuss University.'  
  
Suddenly Lupin's eyes misted over, and he said in a dreamy voice, 'I do not like them, Sam I am, I do not like green eggs and ham.'  
  
Hermione cleared her voice significantly and Lupin snapped back to reality. Lupin then asked the class if they knew what a boggart was, of course Hermione's hand shot swiftly up into the air, making little grunting noises trying to get herself noticed. Lupin oversaw her, Harry had an inkling this was on purpose.  
  
'Anyone, come on you stupid Gryffindors, you may be brave but you shore are dumb!' he said cheerfully, 'Doesn't anybody even want to try.' He said looking alarmed. Lupin muttered under his breath, Harry caught the words Slytherin, smarter, not sexier. Harry timidly raised his hand, he wasn't sure of the answer, but anything to shut Lupin up would do.  
  
'It's a thing.' said Harry blankly after a couple of minutes. Lupin who had been mentally undressing Ron looked at Harry with concern and said,  
  
'Well done Harry, couldn't have said it better myself, fifty points for Gryffindor.'  
  
Hermione then shouted, not being able to cope with the fact that a teacher was praising someone other than her. 'It's a shape-shifter it takes on the form of the things that it thinks will most scare us.'  
  
Lupin said in a voice as though someone had stated the obvious, 'You are completely and utterly correct, but I loathe you, for you are with the one I desire most!'  
  
Ron springs out of his chair and shouts, 'LUPIN, MY LOVE.  
  
'Sit down, Ron I'll deal with you after class.' Lupin says with a glint of triumphant in his eyes.  
  
'Now Hermione I will take twenty points from Gryffindor, you stupid git.' The Gryffindors shot daggers with their eyes in Hermione's direction. Hermione muttered something about The Standard Book of Spells having a typo. Lupin then directed the class over to the coggart with the boggart in it. As the class crowded around the old rickety cloggart, Lupin went completely off the subject, looked outside and even though it was broad daylight said in an airy fairy voice, 'The stars sure are bright tonight' Harry was strongly reminded off a centaur he met in his first year ( maybe Lupin and him have met he thought.) Taking a real interest in the window lupin stepped up to it, pressed his nose against the glass and said, 'Oooohhhh Parvarti is that an unregistered planet?'  
  
Parvarti looked confused, but decided too play along, 'Uh. yeah it's Uranus.'  
  
Ron who was staring avidly at Lupin looked at Parvarti intrigued and said, 'Oi Parvarti, can I have a look at your anus too.'  
  
'Sure,' said Parvarti, lifting up her robe and skirt, and sporting her bear rear end an inch away from Ron's long nose.  
  
Ok that's the end hope you like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. the crazy antics of lupin

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter because our plan failed miserably.  
  
Authors Note: We have nothing to say because we want to write our story.  
  
The crazy antics of Lupin!  
  
Ron turned a sickly green, covered his eyes in repulse and said, 'I meant the planet!'  
  
Harry thought that Ron wasn't accustomed to seeing many of what Parvarti was shoving in his face. Lupin then called forth Hermione to peek inside the coggart and see what she would find; Harry noted an odd mischievous grin on his face. Hermione timidly walked up placed her hands on the wooden knob and pulled. She then let out a blood curdling scream and fell down to the floor, shaking uncontrollingly, Harry rushed up to her and pulled her close, if Ron wasn't going to care for her, he would. Anyways Hermione was the only one in the school who didn't know Ron was gay.  
  
'What is it?' said Lupin looking a bit flustered.  
  
'I-i-t-t w-a-a-s R-o-o-n making o-o-ut with D-d-r-aco,' stammered Hermione, at this point she burst into tears.  
  
Ron looked rather turned on by this idea. Professor Lupin then said quietly, 'Not at all up to your usual standard Hermione,' he said, 'Only one out of three I'm afraid, I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle, and I certainty don't want Harry dead.' an odd shiver passed over his face, 'but I won't deny that I'm am a werewolf.'  
  
There was a ringing silence, and then Lavender Brown voiced what they were all thinking, 'Your so hot sir. (Ron nodded his head vigorously). um I mean you're a WEREWOLF!'  
  
'No,' said professor Lupin cautiously, avoiding their eyes, Ron was jumping up and down with sexual anticipation; Harry found this very off putting.  
  
At that very moment Snape burst into the room, stumbling around and knocking into furniture. 'Here's your daily dose of Viagra, Lupin, bellowed Snape so all the class (and the rest of Hogwarts) could hear. Snape then edged over to Harry and whispered,' He needs this to fuck dogs and your friend Ron'. His breath smelt heavily of alcohol. Harry thought he could possibly be drunk.  
  
'Now, now,'said Lupin with a hearty chuckle,'Ive drunken my Viagra like a good boy so do not go checking up on me, co's I'll be a little...ahem. preoccupied!' He raised his heavily penciled eyebrows at Ron. Ron blushed. Harry knew he loved the attention. ' 'Now class, time to pack up, and get a move on cause I can't stand you any longer!' exclaimed Lupin cheerfully.  
  
'But we didn't learn an-,'started Hermione.  
  
'That will be quite enough from you,' cut in Lupin.  
  
'Out the door class. But.,'Lupin grabbed Ron by the shirt collar. 'Where do you think your going?' Ron grinned.  
  
In the broom closet outside the classroom, Harry and Hermione pashed while waiting for Ron. About a quarter of an hour later, Ron emerged looking very worn-out and messed-up.' That was bloody brilliant!' breathed Ron.  
  
Hermione frowned then said,'Ron, why are you limping?'  
  
Ron quickly changed the subject.' I reckon Lupins the best DADA teacher we've ever had!'  
  
Ok we know this chappie is short but our other one was like 3 pages long well anyways this is the end of our lupin story so hope you enjoy ;) 


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